Looking back at my salvation experience, it was a decision that was a long time coming, but when it happened it was suddenly. At the time I did not see or recognize God in my life, but afterwards, I could see Him moving, protecting, and calling me.

Growing up my parents took me to church every Sunday, and they taught me right from wrong. If I did anything that was right or good, it was out of obedience to my parents, not out of a decision of my heart.  I had no understanding of who God was, or if there was even a God.  Going to church to me was like listening to children’s stories, no different than Jack and the Beanstalk.
 
As I grew, I began to explore life, and seek things out that gave me pleasure like music, relationships, and drugs.  Surprisingly, I was introduced to the Grateful Dead through a Sunday school teacher, and the classic rock of the 60s and 70s became my church.  My friend group became those who sought after the same things I did.  My life revolved around going to concerts, hanging with my friends, and scoring the next high.  I felt it was my choice, I should be left alone, I wasn’t hurting anyone.  I recall nights lying in bed before I fell asleep and thinking to myself that this life was all there was, and a cold feeling would engulf me.  Still I did not seek the Lord, but found myself playing with an Ouija board, writing school reports on paganism, accepting a new age book from Hare Krishnas, and wearing Egyptian and new age symbols on necklaces. To tell the truth I was just wandering. I had nothing to live for except for the now and that’s what I did. I sought the pleasures of this world, like my flower child heroes.  I grew my hair out long, ran around barefoot, and my life revolved around the next drug induced experience.

In my soul there was an emptiness that couldn’t be filled.  During this time, I thought it was normal to contemplate taking my own life, to the point of having picked out a way to do it.  At one point I even tried to clean myself up, giving up drugs and even cutting myself off from my friends.  This change did not last long, and only seemed to cause me to fall farther, and into harder drugs.

God was there all along, without me knowing, saving my life when I was in car accidents, with encounters with police and judges, somehow getting me home safe to my bed at night, and opening a door for me to go to Bowling Green State University.  Despite me changing my dorm room number from 66, to read 666, God was knocking on my door.  I had an emptiness inside me that I could not explain, and soon the same drugs that I enjoyed so much, no longer gave the pleasure they had for years.

Nearing the end of my first year of college, my father called me up and asked me to join him at a Christian event for men.  This was not something I would normally be into, and at the time I couldn’t explain why, but it called to me.  We travelled to Three Rivers stadium in Pittsburg for a two-day event.  What I heard that opening night, to my ears, was the first time the truth of Jesus Christ was shared with me.  God the creator, who loved me unconditionally, was separated from me by sin, and yet while I was a sinner, He had laid down His life for me.  He paid the debt I could not pay and wanted a relationship with me!  One year prior I had been in the exact same football stadium, with floor seats at a Grateful Dead concert, but this time I had come down to the field during the altar call to give my life to Christ.

My life was not the same from that minute on.  The emptiness that was inside of me was gone!  Now I knew who I was, I was a child of God, loved, and redeemed.  I had many more lessons to learn, and tears to cry, but God was there through it all.  The first lesson I learned after my salvation experience, came when I was arrested and sitting in a jail cell.  The very thing I promised God never to do again, I was now arrested for.  I felt like a promise breaker and that I would be separated from God’s love.  Yet, God reached out to me again, and let me know I was still His child.  He wasn’t seeking a perfect man, but a heart and soul after Him.
 
Today, I strive to be that kind of man.  Humbled knowing I will never reach perfection but striving to do my best.  Seeking and searching after Him and His will, listening to Him when He speaks, obediently following Him, and on bent knees seeking forgiveness when I stumble.  These years later I am still learning, and the more I pray, the more I read the Bible, the more He feeds my soul.

Psalm 51
              “ Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.  ² Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.  ³ For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.  ⁴ Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.  ⁵ Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.  ⁶ Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.  ⁷ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.  ⁸ Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.  ⁹ Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.  ¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  ¹¹ Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.  ¹² Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.  ¹³ Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.  ¹⁴ Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.  ¹⁵ O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.  ¹⁶ For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.  ¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.  ¹⁸ Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.  ¹⁹ Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.”

Just as I am, without one plea,
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bidd’st me come to Thee
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To Thee, whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, Thou wilt received,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve:
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.